


The Ledger

by Vaitris



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: Gen, Gender-Neutral Runner Five, No Spoilers, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 04:11:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3676926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vaitris/pseuds/Vaitris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You’re going to die here, Five.” You think you hear pages flipping in the distance. “We took a wrong turn.  I can fix it, just not for you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ledger

You rip yourself away from the fire and from the burning remains of the helicopter.  The crash wasn’t a surprise, you think, that queasy feeling in your gut had warned you.

“Hey!  Hey, this is Abel Township calling.  Over.”

Sam Yao.  Abel township’s radio operator.  He speaks to you like he’s met you somewhere before and you’re drawn to that.  He’s the one that guides you in.  He’s the one that decides to call you Five.  Runner Five.  There’s an opening since the last runner, Alice, was turned.  You’re grateful for him and a place to call home, even if the job sounds absolutely terrifying.

Abel’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced but it doesn’t take long for it to feel like home.  This is a place where you belong, where you’re useful.  The place you’ve always needed to be.  And the people are remarkable, they are what make this place home.  Even if there’s a few that consider you nothing more than a tool to be used wisely, most have welcomed you and your quirks with open arms.

But there’s a thought, a tiny nagging thing at the back of your mind that wakes up every time someone cuts their sentence short or avoids eye contact…  Maybe there’s something else here too.  You try not to think about it, everyone has their secrets, but you’re abruptly reminded sooner than you expected.

Sam’s late for Demons and Darkness and you’re searching for him when you stumble on the Comms shack.  The office is bathed in semi-darkness, the window shades are open only a crack but you can see Sam’s inside.  He’s facing away and hunched over in that tortured desk chair of his, the one you can always hear squeaking behind his words when he’s rolling around upset during a mission.  There’s a book on his knees and he hasn’t appeared to have noticed you.  From your place at the threshold you can see a glint in the corner of his eyes and a trail of damp on his cheek.  Discreetly, you slip back out, sliding the door shut as quietly as you can.

You don’t think about it again until you find yourself alone in the Comms shack weeks later rooting for some marmite that Sam’s asked you to fetch for him.  The drawers of his desk are unlocked and as you search you find it.  It’s a ledger.  It was green at some point in its life but it’s nearly black with age now.  The papers are all old and yellowed and dog-eared, smudged at the corners like Sam’s gone through this book a thousand times before.  Covering the pages front and back is the radio operator’s near indecipherable scrawl, it’s like he can’t write fast enough to record everything he wants to – numbers, time periods, descriptions, causes of death…

These must be previous runners, you reason looking at all the differing descriptions, and how they died.  So many were turned by zombies.  You grimace, thinking of Alice, and seek out entry #5.

_#5. 9 days. Shot by New Canton sniper._

That’s not right.  Not at all.  There are so many entries.  You flip a few pages ahead.  Hundreds of entries.  Z-Day was only maybe ten months ago, how many runners had Abel gone through?  Many of these entries had been left blank, or had been vehemently scratched out so that the paper was torn.  And there were no names.

You return the journal to its drawer, determined to forget the breach of privacy.  Sam’s your best friend after all.  He doesn’t realize what you’ve done or, if he does, he keeps quiet.  Maybe it’s not so big a deal after all and even you forget about it in time.

“Go left, Five!  Left, left, left!”

You race full tilt down the corridor, hardly wasting a moment to slam the first door you find firmly shut behind you.  The undead smack into it from the other side, shaking the wood in its frame, moaning and crying out as they scratch for entry.  The room you’re in is tiny, probably a secretary’s office judging from the tiny desk with its chair and dead plant.  There’s a door opposite you and you race over only to find it’s locked from the other side.

“No! Crap!” Sam’s blustering with cuss words. “It’s not supposed to be this way!”

From where you’re standing the window’s a frame of black smoke from the floor below.  The ventilation is filling up with the noxious fumes and you’re feeling hot.  You find the fire alarm.  If the others can hear it… you race over. “Are Three and Eight still down-“

“Don’t.” Sam interrupts. “It doesn’t work.  And if it does, it just attracts more zoms.  And there’s no ledge outside the window, it’s a sheer drop.”

He’s answering questions before you can even think of them. “Sam…” You’re worried, you can’t think of anything to say.  You pull the lever anyway and nothing happens.  The smoke’s getting thicker and Sam is prattling on without you, flooding you with information he can’t possibly know.  “Sam?”

“…And if you try and go back the way you came I remember the stair’s collapsed.”

“How do you know this?” You hack the question out through a slowly scorching throat.

“Because I’m reminded by people or places or things.  We’ve been here before I think, but usually that door is unlocked.”

“What…?” You sink to the floor, your head is spinning slow wide circles around the room.  Door, window, door, desk.  _How does Sam know?_

“I’ve tried to tell you before but you always look at me funny and I hate that.  Doesn’t help that I can’t explain.  And it doesn’t change anything.”

“We’ve been here before.” The words scratch at your throat like they know you don’t want to utter them, to realize them. “You mean _here_ here?” You feel suddenly queasy.

“I know this sounds crazy but… I, uh, I don’t remember everything.  It’s like.. it’s like waking up and remembering that you’ve dreamed but not what about.  I’ll write down whatever I can, but I can’t be sure it’s right.  I can’t even be sure it’s real at all.” His voice gets shaky and you hear the chair squeak. “Except for the ledger, I’d just think this was all déjà vu.”

“Oh.” You think.  It’s getting hard to think, like the smoke is seeping directly into your brain. “No.” How many times have you been here?  How many times have you said yes?  There were hundreds of entries in that ledger. “I’ve been in this room before…” You gaze at the unfamiliar walls.

“And you’re going to die here, Five.” You think you hear pages flipping in the distance. “We took a wrong turn.  I can fix it, just not for you.”

You remain quiet, focused on breathing because that seems like all you can do at the moment.  Your lungs burn and your eyes itch.  Door, window, door, desk.

“I’m so sorry.”

You laugh, thinking about all the ledger entries. “Why?”

“Because it’s _you,_ Five.  I don’t remember every time but I know what’s happened to you.  That’s why I write it down.  I can’t stop counting.  Fifty-four fires.  Two hundred ninety seven times turned.  Thirteen times you tripped in the woods and hurt yourself and we just couldn’t get you back!”

Your breath catches in your throat a moment and you feel like you’re drowning till you force yourself to breathe again.

“You’ve been shot, tortured, stabbed, even eaten.  Sometimes you go crazy.” And his laugh sounds like it was born somewhere deep in his chest as a sob. “And you do… _terrible_ things.”

Door, window, door, desk.  You finally discover a question Sam hasn’t already attempted to answer. “When does it end?”

“I don’t know.  When we get it right, I think.  Maxine said once she thinks it’s when the zoms are gone.”

Door, window, door, desk.

“You’ll wake up again, Five.  It may not be you, but it’ll always be you.”

Door, window…

The zombies scream as they burn just outside the room.

“I’ll see you on the other side.”

Door…

You give yourself to the fire.


End file.
